The Book of Dreams


Remember your Mom pouring over the Sears Catalog? Mine would find something she couldn’t live without, turn down the corner of the page and plant it under my Dad’s nose when he was in a good mood.

My, how times have changed. Today we simply log on to Amazon and they take our money quicker than it takes to dog-ear a page.

Catalogs do still make the rounds, though. I remember in my Highly Productive Years (where I spent more than I earned) I was the Queen of Catalogs. They arrived from around the world as I was a preferred customer.

Finally I got so sick of them; I just threw them in the trash without even taking a peek. Slowly I worked my way off the catalog list. I think merchants believe when you’ve moved to the country, all you’re really interested in is cows, so they quit sending you catalogs.

I haven’t seen a catalog in years, so imagine my surprise when I got one in the mail the other day. I stopped everything I was doing and sat down with my new magic catalog. And boy, have I got lots to share with you.

First, this catalog is “Playing My Tune!” They “rock” with great ideas and solutions, “jazz” up my home with hot colors and “swing” easy buy now/pay later terms. How groovy!

Then, it’s nice to know that I’ve been pre-approved for a “choose ‘n charge” card. I was approved for $400 and only have to pay $25 a month for the next 10 years to pay off my card.

I know, I know. You’re dying to know what fabulous finds I found. Well listen to this – you can have a complete kitchen accessorized in apples with canisters, burner cover sets, a breadbox, towels, curtains, placemats, shelves, dishes, seat cushions, sink mats, cookware and even electric stove knobs. Just imagine with an apple-filled kitchen you’ll never have to go to the doctor again!

Of course, if apples aren’t your thing, you can also fill your kitchen with these choices: neon colors, grapes, chefs, vegetables, clocks, bamboo, roosters or Paula Dean. And your kids will love your new kitchen when they lounge there in their own child-sized recliners. No, I’m not making this up.

Now if you’re a fine wine collector, then you simply must purchase the lovely Cello Wine Rack. It is “shaped like a cello, has twelve spaces (holes) for bottles (drilled all the way through the cello) and a rack at the top to hold two wine glasses (which looks ridiculous.)” Mozart would be proud.

The Luxurious Showerhead with seven pulsing heads appears scarier than an episode of the Twilight Zone. I must admit the velvet jungle animal print bedroom set does look inviting – if you live in Alaska.

But there’s always that one dream thing you find in a catalog you just must purchase with the magic choose ‘n charge card. What was my dream come true? Well, as all ladies know, sometimes one oven just isn’t enough. That’s why I’m so in love with the 10-N-1 Mechanical Oven. It’s a rotisserie, broiler, grill, griddle, fryer, steamer, baking oven, roaster, toaster and food warmer.

I wonder if that 8th wonder of the world comes with a hot male chef? I’d pay extra interest for him.

Spreading laughter around the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker

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