Archive for July 25th, 2011

It’s a Mad, Mad World


Posted by Mikie Baker  |  No Comments »

Reprinted column in memory of Dorothy Baker

Dearly Demented Mom has turned it up a notch. Lately, she’s become a bit more demented. Not to worry – she’s having a ball. As for me?  Maybe it’s time to strut into my doctor’s office and demand a pill for dementia…not one that will prevent it, but one that will give it to me. Then I can join in all the fun.

What can be fun about this life-ending disease? Frankly, quite a lot. Just look what DDM can do: 

Say Anything You Want with No Consequences
The other night we were watching the Olympics. There was a young girl from a Russian-speaking Eastern block country who was twirling away. When she was done with her routine, she hugged her teammates and then sat on the bench to await her score. Admittedly, she had a face that only a Russian mother could love but that’s just not normally what one would mention. 

DDM: “Are we watching the Special Olympics now?”
ME: “No, Mom, this is the regular Olympics.”
DDM: “It can’t be. I mean, look at that little girl. She sure looks like one of those ‘special’ kids to me.” 

See what she can get away with?

Have Visitors Over on a Moment’s Notice
Frankly, I think we need an addition on the house. It’s become way too crowded in here with all DDM’s imaginary friends.

DDM: “Well, several people. I just finished talking to Margaret Bossie.”
ME: “Really? How’s she doing?”
DDM: “Oh, she’s still in the hospital because they can’t figure out what’s making her crazy.”
ME: “Could it be you?”
DDM: “And then I’ve been talking to these two girls. One of them knows more about sex than I do.”
ME: “Is her name Heidi Fleiss?

But the very best of all is our latest development:

Date the Perfect Man
A few days ago I walked into the living room and Dearly Demented Mom was sporting a girlish grin.

ME: “Mom, what’s up? Why are you grinning from ear to ear?”
DDM: “That’s what love will do to you!”
ME: “You’re in love?”
DDM: “Yes!”
ME: “Really? What’s his name?”
DDM: “I don’t know.”
ME: “Well, what does he look like?”
DDM: “I don’t know.”
ME: “You’ve never seen him?”
DDM: “No, he lives on another planet.”
ME: “Another planet?”
DDM: “Yes – the Lost Planet. Have you ever heard of the Lost Planet?”
ME: “No, but I’ll Google it. Maybe I can find a man too.”

Come to think of it, if that’s really that simple to find a man, I’m heading straight to the nearest spaceship that’s headed to Mars. Seems I read somewhere that’s where men are from.

To top it all off Gone Country Martha dropped by recently. She said hello to DDM who looked up and replied, “Hi Mom!”  Great. GCM can do anything including be my grandmother. You suppose I could convince Gone Country Martha to take Mom home?

I’m not sure what will come out of DDM’s mouth next, but whatever it is, I’m certain it’ll keep us both laughing her all the way to heaven. By the way, if you happen to run into a single man that’s out of this world, go ahead and give him my number.

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one chuckle at a time. God Bless DDM.

Mikie Baker