The worst-dressed people in the world are Texans during our annual deep freeze. Usually it lasts less than a week and we all look ridiculous.

When the omniscient weatherman announces the computer is forecasting below freezing temperatures for (gasp) 3 days, everyone heads out in their shorts and flip flops to the store to grab milk, eggs and bread. I can only assume this means the entire state is eating French toast for the next week.

Then we head home and hunker down. Sweats, slippers and long sleeved shirts. Definitely a Glamour don’t. 

But eventually, we must venture back out into the world. That’s when things start to get scary. 

When the Arctic Blast hit Very Best Friend’s Big City, I called to check in on her. 

ME: “Are you freezing down there?”
VBF: “Oh, no! I’m all comfy warm here in my car.”
ME: “Let it warm up for 15 minutes, did you?”
VBF: “Nope. I just hopped in. I’m all snuggled up in a beautiful sweater dress with Aunt Evelyn’s wool scarf, my leather boots, a classic double-breasted ankle-length coat and matching mittens. I only get to wear this 3 times a year so I’m very excited.”
ME: “I just hope nobody notices the moth holes in that 25-year-old coat.” 

It’s true. City people dress up fancy when it’s cold. Problem is the styles are from the 70’s as no one in Texas owns more than one warm coat. 

Country people are much tougher than that. Personally, I sold my one heavy wool coat when I moved south. Figured I’d never need it. I don’t have to go outside if it gets too cold. As for Dearly Demented Mom, long-sleeved night gowns, a bed jacket and a blanket are the order of the day – 365 days a year. 

But, back to us country folks. We don’t dress up for winter, we tough it out. 

When I head out in the cold for the five minute ride to town, I don’t bother to warm up the car. Takes too much gas. I slap a hoodie over my sweats and a jacket over that. The only thing I sometimes forget is to change from my slippers to my boots. Luckily they don’t care if I show up in my slippers. It’s “the look” for most of the ladies in town when it gets this cold anyway. 

The men? Now they are a different story. 

There are three types. The first is Parka Tundra Man. He’s from the north and owns a parka with a fur lined hood. Only fur we have available in Texas is raccoon or squirrel. Parkas are fancier than that.

Then there’s the Ski Mask Monster. He wears a padded jacket, industrial gloves and a ski mask. He works outdoors for a living. He’s scary looking, but he can survive. 

Finally, it’s the Blue Jean Boys. Whether young or old, they put on a short sleeved shirt, a long sleeve shirt over that, a hoodie (with baseball cap underneath) and the blue jean jacket they wear from Labor Day to Memorial Day – 9 months a year. To keep their hands warm, they put on their work gloves. 

It matters not. 3 days later, we’re all back to shorts and flip flops. I just love Texas, don’t you? 

Mikie Baker
www.mikiebaker.com

Copyright Medina Mikie, Ink. 2011