And a Happy New Year


If you are reading this column, the Mayans were wrong. How fortunate we made it through the end of the world together. Maybe now we can focus on laughter for the next six million years. I can’t believe those silly Mayans would even consider ending the world so close to Christmas, anyway. Everybody’s entirely too busy with their last-minute-mad-dash Christmas lists to care.

Somehow I feel the end of the world and Christmas are closely related. I suppose it all started with Jesus. He said when the world ended, he’d be back to get us. He’ll probably show up the day after Christmas to save us from standing in the WalMart customer returns line.

The first time I grasped the concept of my world ending was when Dearly Demented Mom threatened me when I was only a wee child. “Don’t talk back to me! I brought you into this world, and I can take you out again!” Yes, Ma’am.

The second time my world almost ended was when Mike Sutherland sent me a love note in fourth grade. He was cute, he wanted to be my boyfriend, and he could square dance like a dream. Not only was he the cat’s meow; he was simply the end of the world! Even though the romance didn’t last, it still got me through until fifth grade so I could chase more boys.

In fact, dating had lots of almost world-enders. When Craig Gieseke took back his ID bracelet in junior high, I was certain it was the end of the world. In the scheme of things my world ending happened every time I broke up with a boy. How simple life was back then. Frankly, today it’s more world ending to even find a decent man to date.

My world almost ended when I didn’t make drill team the first year I tried out. Oddly time kept marching on. Once I was at college, I learned that the world didn’t revolve around me, so worries about the world ending faded away.

Still there were moments. I was certain my world would end if my intended didn’t ask me to marry him. I finally asked him to keep from worrying so much. Little did I know the day he had a massive heart attack and left this earth that I’d experience life ending as I knew it. It did, but the earth went on turning and I learned to deal with a new world. I’m sure we’ve all had earth-ending moments that have made us stronger people through time.

In a way, I wish the world as we know it had ended on December 21. Then we could start a brand new world – one filled with peace, hope, happiness and plenty of laughter. Recent events in America have made us all hold our children closer and try even harder to protect them and our piece of the world. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could care more for the people we don’t even know – ones who suffer from hunger, disease and poverty? That would really be a brand new world.

Why not make yourself a New Years resolution right now? Let’s all pledge to smile a little more, open a few more doors and give just a little more to those in times of great need. Maybe we can create a wonderful new world after all.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to each and every one of you. Here’s to a peaceful new world – a world without end. Amen.

Spreading laughter throughout the world…once chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker

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5 Responses to “And a Happy New Year”

  1. Mike Goetz says on :

    You may live in a little ole town in Texas, but your Dec 20 column is worthy of New York times publication. I have always admired your talent from afar. Happy Holidays! Mike Goetz

  2. Mikie Baker says on :

    Ah, flattery – what a grand Christmas present!

  3. Forrest Landry says on :

    Your words touched my heart, and brought a tear to my lady’s eye. Yet I believe we’re actually IN the New World. Friday the 21st, at 5:12 a.m. Central Time, was the end of the 13th Baktun and the beginning of the 14th Baktun. Yeah, yeah, a Baktun is the Mayan word for Long Count Calendar.

    In an email I sent several unsuspecting people on my Contacts List:
    Happy 14th Baktun! At the same time as the Solstice, we’re now in the Next Millenia, and I do not know if there’s a buncha Mayans carving new calendars, or if their old one still works. Meanwhile, there’s a coupla Indian-looking guys by the side of Mexico Highway 4359, between Tuxtla Gutierrez y Huamacultitanhuatl Uxkattle, with a big flat rock that’s got some interesting carvings on it for sale, cheap. Last I heard, they’re the new World Leaders. Might as well be – we’ve got a mess here.

    Keep smiling, Mikie – it makes them wonder what you’ve been up to!

    Hugs & Hilarity,

  4. Mikie Baker says on :

    Does the 14th Baktun guarantee both peace and my winning the lottery? Have a wonderful Christmas my dear friend!

  5. Forrest Landry says on :

    Dear Mikie:

    The REAL reason the 13th Baktun ended was because every possible option of playing the Lottery TO WIN had been exhausted. So the Leaders of The New World decided to cancel all the old ways and begin a whole new way of playing the Lotteries to win – thus, the 14th Baktun.

    OUR problem is, they do not publish nor promulgate the new ways. Our Great Joy is learning what those new ways are! After all, if the new ways were readily available, everybody would have the winning ticket and there’d be fist fights and mob riots over everybody having to wait in line to get their dollar back.

    Thus, The New Long Count, 14th Edition.

    Meanwhile, Live Long and Prosper: gather all your writings from everywhere and put them in a coupla books. You may not make any money from selling them but BOY!! It’s fun going on the road and hawking them! Unsolicited Advice: The Best Place to Start One’s Great Book Tour is Alpine, Texas!! Wander out, have a leisurely meal, call the radio station to let them know a Famous Author is in town, and when they act like they don’t know who you are, remind them you sent their Morning Person a copy and press release. Go by the local book section in the Piggly Wiggly and ask the Manager if you can put a couple copies on a rack, and hold up a sign “MEET THE AUTHOR!!”

    All in all, after your first day of hawking, you can get some Mexican food takeout (17 Mexican food places, honest!) and leisurely drive south to Big Bend Natl Park. Then you can hit Marfa for another Book Tour, see the Lights, and Fort Davis is right up the road a bit…

    Hey: don’t be looking down your nose at this. Dr. Wayne Dyer followed this very plan, all across America, in his tiny little one-person Winnebago-ette, and now he’s a Super Well Known Author!! Just goes to show what getting out of the house will do for ya!

    Oh, well. I spose it’s all about what’s really important. When you win the Lottery, you won’t be able to go on any Book Tour without six cars of bodyguards to keep all your New “Distant Relatives” from crowding around and begging for money. And that’s no way to press the flesh. That’s why I don’t buy tickets.

    Right! NOT!

    Love you, Mikie, and hope your life is on an ever-upward path. It’s always nice to reach the top about the time the Last Best Selling Author quits and leaves The Throne open for ya.


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