The Replacement


Seems that God is not quite done with my care-giving days. Just when I was starting to feel giddy again, a new character has appeared in my life. And he’s taken up a roost at the Dancing Dog Ranch.

Over 30 years ago, when I was still a sweet young thing, I received a call from a record promoter friend who told me that TGI Friday’s was looking for a Music Director who could record custom music tapes for all the restaurants. He gave me their number.

Now you must understand that 1979 was the height of the singles era complete with disco dancing, Afro hairdos and the pill. Young adults were standing in line to get into TGI Friday’s. They wanted three things: great drinks, great food and a hot date.

So I called the number to the corporate office and was told that I would have a job interview in the store the next evening. Man was I ever nervous. I had to stand in line just to get inside for a job interview. The only thing that could calm me down was a new dress from Neiman Marcus.

Once I finally got inside, I was escorted to a four-top table. Under a Tiffany lamp, I met a man who would become the big brother I never had. After I’d given him a five minute pitch on me, he said, “Ok. You’re hired. Now let’s go get drunk.” We’ve been friends ever since.

I’ve worked for him. He’s worked for me. His gift is as an artist – a brilliant, funny and creative talent. His secret? He drinks beer and colors.

Maybe he should have exercised a bit more. Seems that a little over a year ago, he had a stroke. Luckily, he’s only a little worse for wear. His thinking has slowed a bit; like dementia did to Dearly Demented Mom. I could hardly wait to get my care-giving hands on him. Never turn a good character down.

Though the jaws have been flapping around town about The Widow Baker having a man stay at her place, he’s a big brother not “a man”.  Ladies, hold own to your man. I’m still on the prowl.

Nope. I have my wing of the ranch, he has his. I’m trying to get the herd to stay in his room, but it hasn’t worked yet.

Now that you understand the situation, I’d like to introduce you to Stroke of Genius. He’s tall and skinny, is always cold and has a new malady everyday. In the last week, SOG has woken up every morning and announced what the problem is today: toothache, arthritis, dizzy, foggy, Alzheimer’s, Macular Degeneration, B-12 deficiency, COPD, or a bad knee from an old football injury. Oh wait – that’s more than a weeks’ worth. He must be doing two-a-dayers.

Stroke of Genius can still draw, though he goes through a lot less beer these days. Evidently, a stroke can make you feel drunk even without a beer. But better than that is he can cook and fix things around the house. I’ve declared him our Ranch Foreman.

If I’d won the lottery, I couldn’t have done better. Now when I go trolling for my perfect man, I can honestly say that all I am interested in is him. I don’t need anything fixed or WeedEat-ed and I’ve got a butler who cooks. Boy, I’m going to be one hot property.

So welcome, Stroke of Genius. I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch listening to your malady of the moment while we swat flies.

Stroke of Genius
(he’s single, ladies!)

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker

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13 Responses to “The Replacement”

  1. Roz says on :

    Hello to you both and happy trails miss and love you would love to be around for a cup of java on the pourch with you guys it has to be a hoot!!! Take good care of each other Roz

  2. Mikie Baker says on :

    Come down and visit anytime!

  3. Rush Bowman says on :

    That guy looks familiar. I think we knew each
    other in a previous life.
    Hey, rest up Jimmy, keep drawing.

  4. Mikie Baker says on :

    Luckily, Rush, he still has the use of his hands…

  5. Lil Sis (Toni) says on :

    What a hilarious introduction.
    I thought we would never get him outta Dallas! “just kiddin”
    Let me know when he runs low on the B-complex and I’ll send a care package.
    He’s a great “big brother”; I’m glad to share.
    Lil Sis

  6. Mikie Baker says on :

    Thanks for sharing! He’s really handy around the house…though he can be a real grump, can’t he?

  7. Dennis Norris says on :

    Now I know where to find him[I think]. He owess me 5 bucks from a golf game. You two were meant for each other. Please elt me know next time yall come to the big city.

  8. Mikie Baker says on :

    I don’t collect debts, but I know where he lives now…

  9. Frank Steed says on :

    Please give Snake a hug for me, I can’t wait to read the stories that will be generated from this relationship.

  10. Mikie Baker says on :

    There will just be MORE wild stories…we never quit, do we? Say, can I fire him?

  11. Sis says on :

    You didn’t say whether or not it worked after the replacement was complete!

  12. Frank Steed says on :

    If Dan finds out he’s the one who hired you he is likley to fire him again……

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