Casting Call


Though I’d much rather be considered the next Erma Bombeck, I’m afraid all I’ll ever be is just a lowly story teller. And I’m running out of stories to tell. 

Seems I’m in desperate need of some new nuts around here. Sure, The Siamese Terrorist a/k/a Sammy (No!) has moved in and is managing to rip this house to shreds one kitten attack at a time, but he only hisses. Kitten spitting does not a great story make.

Too many great characters have left my life. Dearly Demented Mom has gone on to that great Murder, She Wrote episode in the sky. The Teenage Eating Machine has flown the coop and now has to pay for his own pizza. Even Handsome Handy Man is being handy in a town nearly five hours away. 

Frankly, I’m starting to bore me. I haven’t talked to myself and then answered back in weeks. It’s gotten so dull around here; I can even remember where I put my sunglasses. 

So I’ve resolved to get out of this house more and go on an exhaustive search for a new cast of characters. Trust me; you’re out there. 

Knowing that one day a book or movie deal could be possible for your character, I’m sure many of you might be nervous about auditioning for me. Don’t let all that fame go to your head. 

As a public service, I’m happy to give you some ideas about what I’m looking for in great characters. Let’s dive right in, shall we? 

New Runnin’ Buddy
I haven’t been in trouble in so long; it’s no longer my middle name. I need a partner in crime. You’ve got to be funny, not care if my windows are clean and desperately need to lose 10 pounds. That way we’ll always have plenty of time to get into some real antics.

One Crazy Family
My small family unit consists of a cousin and a half-sister. They are fairly tame and not living in the vicinity. No, I’m looking for the Robert Earl Keen “Christmas with the Family” type. If you’re lucky enough to come from a family of all black sheep, I’d love to drop by for Thanksgiving dinner.

Somebody Else’s Kid
Know how fun it is to be a grandparent? After the weekend’s over, the kids leave and you can rest. That’s what I’m looking for. Just tell me your funny teenage story and hit the highway. I’m not going to feed you. I used up all my savings on loaded triple cheeseburgers for the Teenage Eating Machine. 

Batty Old Relative
Tired of Crazy Uncle Jethro? Old Maid Aunt Sylvia got you down? Send ‘em over. We can sit on the porch swatting flies and exchanging lies. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.   

Great Gossip Girl
People who gossip just love to tell a good story. Usually it’s part truth and part fiction. That’s just perfect for me. You don’t believe most of the stuff I write anyway, do you? 

Someone To Date
I’m looking for an STD. Wait, that’s not right. What I meant to say is I’m looking for Someone To Date. Actually, my needs are fairly simple. He needs to be upright and alive. Teeth would be nice, too. The casting couch is ready and waiting. 

So, get ready. Here I come. Just when you least expect it, I’ll be standing over your shoulder listening. No need to study your lines. Just be yourself. I know a great character when I see one. After all, it takes one to know one.

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker

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6 Responses to “Casting Call”

  1. tracy says on :

    How about the people from your past you just cannot seem to get rid of? Certainly Jimmy and I can provide you with volumes! And your welcome to have Thanksgiving with me and my family. It would be nice to have someone there that does not make me want to drive a sharp object into my brain. Of course, once you meet them all, you may want to 🙂

  2. Mikie Baker says on :

    You’re so right! I’m overlooking the obvious – my own black sheep work family…

  3. Brenda James says on :

    Aw, honey!!!! You still got me, darlin’. We haven’t even got started yet! Give me a few months, though. I fell down. My crown is fine, but both arms are a might discombobulated. : D
    Watch out, Texas! Two women cuter than Kinky are going to roam the countryside, striking terror in the hearts of cheesecake vendors the state over! Yeehaw!

  4. Mikie Baker says on :

    Yep, I can tell a character when I see one. Heal those arms and let’s hit the Great State of Texas together!

  5. Carol Hufford says on :

    You come on up here to Big D – we’ll find you some juicy stuff to talk about. On second thought, maybe it’s not publishable……what happens “wherever” stays “wherever”!!! I’m sure Tom could come up with some good ones. However, I do have “One Crazy Family” and lots of grandkids, great-grandkids, and a great-great grandkid almost ready to hatch. Then we’ve got some great Aunt Kacky stories. I’ll leave the STD entirely up to you – that’s too risky! And you are certainly welcome to join us for Thanksgiving and Christmas – you would fit right in. Mikie, you’re a genius with the pen (or computer) so just keep on write’n!!

  6. Mikie Baker says on :

    Thanks for the invite and, yes, I do know how crazy your family is! (But I still love them.)

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