The Dresser


I believe the height of luxury is having a Personal Shopping Attendant. I’m sure Oprah has one – heck, she’s probably got half a dozen.

This person’s sole job is to keep you looking good for any occasion. Not only does the PSA bring you a variety of clothes for the trying, she hangs up everything and shuttles coordinates back to the racks if they dare not make you look like dynamite.

I may not have Oprah’s bucks, but I still have my own Personal Shopping Attendant who works for nothing more than a glass of wine and a couple of laughs.

My PSA is VBF.

It all began a few years ago when Very Best Friend and I started a new ritual. We have designated one day during the week between Christmas and New Year’s as Shopping Fairy Day. This is when I come out of the hills and head to the Big City for a once a year shopping extravaganza. Remember, they don’t let me out of my cage very often.

We have chosen this time of year for several reasons: there’s always great winter clothing sales, coupons abound and we’re so overweight that we buy one size too small just to motivate ourselves. Some times it works, some times it doesn’t. If that’s the case, we spend a day standing in the returns line, which is a small sacrifice for a great diet incentive.

This year, when Shopping Fairy Day rolled around, I was a bit heftier than normal and highly motivated to get it off. I was in desperate need of clothes that were two sizes too small. VBF, on the other hand, was already shopped out from the holidays.

So, when we embarked on the shopping extravaganza, she didn’t need anything. Immediately she fell into the Personal Shopping Attendant mode. She was a runner for sizes, colors and accessories.

I could actually try something on, pull it off and throw it and the hanger over the dressing room door whereby she would catch it one handed then have it hung up and sorted into the reject pile before I could slap on the next skirt.

I’m fairly certain I tried on over 100 clothing items in less than an hour and left no dressing room disaster in my wake. Baby, that’s good and great exercise, too.

When I could no longer lift my arms above my head, VBF said, “Ok. Let’s sit down and figure out which of these 25 outfits you really need. What’s your budget?” After giving her the magic number (but explaining it would be much better if some handsome man just came along and paid for everything), she began sorting clothing. She could add up and compute 30% off totals in her head with lightning speed.

Even the Sales Lady, excuse me, Associate was amazed. “Honey, your Personal Shopping Attendant is the best I’ve ever seen. I swear she could reorganize this entire store in half a day. Here’s a coupon for an extra 20% off in her honor.”

And with that, VBF threw that one extra top that wasn’t in my budget on the pile and said, “See – that coupon makes this practically free!” Once again, I am totally indebted to the Shopping Fairy.

My Personal Shopping Attendant hasn’t stopped yet. Next week she’s coming over to reorganize my entire closet. Now if she could just find a nice man in my size…

Mikie Baker 

Copyright Medina Mikie, Ink. 2011

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