Archive for June, 2021

Tread Softly and Carry a Big Stick


Posted by Mikie Baker  |  No Comments »

I write down random things I read and save them in hopes of generating ideas for my weekly column. I keep these ideas in a folder and in times like these where there is nothing floating around in my brain, I reach for my handy helper. Today, I found a simple note with this scratched on it: The number one injury of 2018 was walking into walls. A whopping 17,230 people went to the hospital because they walked into a wall.

My immediate reaction was, “Really? How dumb can you be!” And then I remembered all those photos of my Facebook friends who posted their TWO broken wrists, legs in a variety of casts and the assortment of lovely black eyes. Because I believe armed with good knowledge you are forewarned, I decided to take a deep dive into the top injuries for adults 65+ from 2001 to 2020. Good to know our government is keeping up with this.

Overall, the number one reason we go to the hospital is because of a fall. Recently, I took a tumble while moving a mattress with My Future Husband. I landed on my left knee; (ouch!), and had to lay low for about a week, but luckily there was no trip to the hospital because the rest of me tends to bounce after a fall. Extra padding, you know.

The second reason for visiting the emergency room is “struck by”. Is that a person? Did you do that to yourself? Did a tree branch fall on your head? Lightning? Was it lightning?

The third most common reason for dashing to the hospital was overexertion. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of many people 65+ who overexert anymore. We just don’t have the energy for it. In fact, I think it might be time for my nap.

The fourth reason is listed as MV. It took awhile for me to figure it out, but I think it stands for Motor Vehicle. I’m a fairly safe driver, but Dearly Demented Mom shouldn’t have been allowed behind the wheel after she turned 35, because that woman simply could not drive. She hit every curb in north Dallas more than once, and after 70, I spent numerous hours in emergency rooms with her due to her latest fender bender. I’m just saying you know who you are, so be careful out there. Curbs have feelings, too.

Number five is cut/pierce. I get the cutting part because I’ve had my share of chopping vegetables including my fingers but pierce? Is everybody getting their ears pierced at this age?

Poisoning is number six. So evidently you don’t read all those tiny warnings printed on everything you buy. Don’t eat the yellow snow; you know stuff like that. The only kind of poisoning I ever get close to is when I drink too many glasses of wine. At least it feels like that the next day.

Lucky number seven is the dreaded “unintentional.” I had one of those once. I had a Martha Stewart creative moment in my forties and decided to paint a large bulletin board all cutsie and stuff. When I picked up the blackboard without the right grip, it landed on my second toe, split the top off and I went to emergency to get six stiches. Unintentional was right.

Number eight is a bite or a sting, probably the only one on this list that really makes any sense. Check your shoes and don’t go around any piles of wood that rattle.

Number nine is transport. All I can figure out is, “Beam me up, Scotty.” I guess it’s the beaming down that will get you. Sometimes it’s not a soft landing.

And number ten pretty well sums it up: Unknown/Unspecified. I guess there’s just some stupid people tricks that no one wants to talk about.

So, be safe out there, will ya? And it’s time for your nap.