As a public service to you dear readers, it’s time for my annual “wrap it up” column discussing various ways to get those lovely presents you’ve bought all wrapped and placed under the tree. My mother believed in waiting until the very last minute after everyone was sleeping on Christmas Eve to slap all her presents in gift bags. She never slept more than a couple of hours that night, but it was her gift to us as the Queen of Procrastination.

Obviously, I do not come from the world of the Martha Stewart wrapping techniques. Luckily for all of us, Very Best Friend does. Now let me share some of her gifting secrets. Remember, truth can be stranger than fiction.

The Box
VBF saves boxes throughout the year and stacks them neatly in her wrapping closet. When I save boxes they usually end up exploding from my top garage shelf. Actually, my thick hair shields me pretty well from dropping cardboard.

Very Best Friend always reminds me that the gift needs to fit perfectly in the box. Last time I was worried about a box at Christmas, I was three and played in it all day.

Just yesterday, she was bemoaning the fact that she had bought me a particular present that would simply not fit correctly in any box she had. Finally, she gave up and put it in a shirt box which, evidently, is the most boring box on the face of the earth. I always thought it was a tie box because a tie is the only thing that fits into a tie box. Well, maybe pantyhose would, but I don’t know a soul who still wears either.

The Wrap
Ok, wrappers, listen up. You must color code wrapping paper to your friends and family members so that Christmas morning you simply pass out presents by color. VBF’s sister gets lime green, her daughter gets hot pink and I get orange. Very Best Friend (who has a color fetish) simply loathes orange, but because I was born on Halloween, she gives a nod to my pumpkin heritage every Christmas.

Her gifts include the perfect sized box, corresponding tissue, the latest trend in paper and a hand-tied beautiful cloth bow with matching tag. Sometimes I’d rather just sit in awe of the wrap and don’t care about the present inside.

The Tag
The tag must be large enough for Very Best Friend to write a clue about your present. Sometimes it’s simply one word, other times it’s an entire poem. I guess it gives you time to admire your perfectly wrapped present while you try and figure out what’s inside.

My favorite clue ever was, “This is the year of teal blue and the slit. So boo on you Joyce, you’re too short. It won’t fit.” But, of course, that hint is a column all by itself.

The System
I know what you’re thinking – I don’t have time to wrap presents all fancy like that! Well that’s where “the system” comes in. VBF shops and wraps on nearly a daily basis. She was sitting outside of Target 10 minutes before they opened yesterday so she could grab some things she needed with the intent of going to work and heading home at the end of the day to wrap those purchases.

Come to think of it, I think my mom had a better system. Slap it in a used gift bag with crinkled tissue at the last minute. Whatever your style, it’s time to wrap it up!

Now that’s funny!

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker
www.mikiebaker.com