Social Media Correctness

When is Emily Post going to come out with Emoji Etiquette? I’m rather sarcastic, so I end many of my Facebook posts with a little “wink” emoji. Does that mean I’m overly flirtatious? My favorite emoji is the face with the crossed eyes whose tongue is sticking out. I’m sure Emily would say, “A lady never makes a face like that!” And I’d probably never get an invite to her house if she found I overused the horny devil one, too. Emily thinks I should keep my legs crossed, I bet.

Gardening

I’ve read that large trees can shelter smaller trees under their branches so that those tiny trees can survive. If trees are nurturing, can vegetable plants be diabolical? I planted squash and zucchini a month ago and all I’ve got so far is some tiny little squash. Just the other day, I swear I heard them laughing and saying, “Let’s drive her mad by turning into gourmet mini squash! Then we will never amount to enough for even one squash casserole, bless her heart.”

The Pandemic Christmas

We just took down the last of the Christmas decorations because we wanted to make sure Christmas lasted forever, just like the pandemic. We had most everything stored away by Valentine’s Day, but we left the garland and lights strung up in two rooms. Finally, when Easter hit, I decided we needed to get hopping. So, I hid Easter Eggs in the garland and made My Future Husband hunt for eggs while taking it all down. Worked like a charm!

Electronics are Insane

Obviously, I’m somebody because I have both an Alexa and a Hey Google. Both were obtained as free items, so I don’t’ have any skin in the game. When I ask Alexa to play the Mavericks, she asks me if I’d like to enable the skill to learn mathematical games. Heaven’s no! My math skills end at counting to ten. And Hey Google? When I ask him to play the Mavericks, he happily serves me by playing random Christmas music. And this is why I fear robot vacuum cleaners.

You Really Want to be an Astronaut?

I heard an interview with an astronaut up in space. A “keen” reporter asked what it smelled like up there. The astronaut smiled and said, “Closer to a locker room than anything else.” Then he proudly announced how they recycle their pee because water is such a premium in space right before he showed the weightless rats having “fun” in their cage. Elon Musk, count me out on your spaceship.

Email Stalkers

In the latest brainchild from Microsoft, I find I have a personal assistant. Her name is Cortona but I call her Corona because she makes me want to grab my salt and lime. On Mondays she happily reminds me of every single solitary thing I promised anyone last week. And then she wants to know if I got all those things done! Next, she says, “What time do you want me to set aside to finish all your undone projects, Little Missy?” Evidently, my mother’s ghost has taken over my computer.

Look into the Crystal Ball

My latest fortune cookie spewed forth this bit of wisdom: “To truly find yourself, you should play hide and seek alone.”

Hope your week isn’t as random as mine.