As most women of a certain age will tell you, living alone has its advantages. Sure it’s lonely, but you don’t have a husband under your feet driving you crazy. Still, some female fools need a victim to nag constantly. Evidently, I am one of those women.

When Stroke of Genius moved in, I thought, “Wow! This is the perfect relationship. He has his side of the house, his own bathroom, he fixes things plus he can grill like a pro. There’s no romance involved so we’ll never fight about anything including raising the cats.”

Nothing could be further from the truth.

It sneaks up on you slowly, but one day you begin to notice all the weird habits of your roommate. I’m completely perfect, so it must be him, right?

From the second Stroke of Genius stumbles out of his side of the house, The Coffee Dance begins. I need to take a moment here and tell you that I do not drink coffee. I’ve tried it twice in my lifetime and both times it tasted like dirt.

It’s just not my cup of tea. Still I need a caffeine kick and, being a true Texas woman, my beverage of choice is Diet Dr Pepper. Don’t laugh. I grew up on warm Dr Pepper with lemon floating on the top.

As for the coffee issue, I have a pretty fancy coffee pot – albeit old – from the days of Dearly Departed Husband. I keep it on the counter because I have many visitors whose lives revolve around their morning coffee.

But back to subject at hand – The Coffee Dance with Stroke of Genius. He sneaks out of the bedroom, quiet as a mouse, and makes his coffee. Guess he hasn’t figured out the automatic timer yet. Next he disappears for the appropriate amount of time until it is ready. Guess he hasn’t figured out the stop and pour feature either. Finally, he mixes the brew with a bit of powdered creamer.

So what’s the problem? Well, first off, he pulls the coffee pot all the way to the edge of the counter so it takes up the whole kitchen. Then SOG pours a cup, takes four sips, puts the cup in a place he can’t find and it gets cold. Then he hits the microwave, zaps it for 30 seconds, stirs it again and goes off to drink dirt on his side of the house. Twenty minutes later, the whole ritual starts again.

I know what you’re thinking, “So what the heck’s the problem?” Well, there’s always a stale cup of coffee sitting in the microwave whenever I go to nuke something. It freaks me out.

Then there’s the teaspoon problem. I leave the caffeinated stuff behind before 10 am and drink decaffeinated tea the rest of the day. This is the only solution I’ve found for not being stuck to the ceiling for the rest of the day due to a caffeine high.

I use a “professional” ice tea spoon for mixing the pink stuff into my tea. Stroke of Genius uses my same spoon to stir his endless cup of “nuked” coffee. I can’t touch the spoon or my tea stirring will result in the taste of dirt. Humph.

I know, I know. These are high class problems and I shouldn’t complain, but you know men can drive you crazy. Even when they’re not related to you or the cats.

A Stroke of Genius Graphic Design

Spreading laughter and good art throughout the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker
www.mikiebaker.com