Maybe it’s because I was a disc jockey or maybe it’s just something we all do, but I find I have expressions that I’ve used over and over in my life. Like when I’m checking out at the grocery store and the checker asks me if I found everything I was looking for. I always say, “The only thing I couldn’t find was a rich single man.”

So, I’m offering up some of my favorites. Let’s jump right in.

Farmer’s Almanac Advice

Very Best Friend always calls me for gardening advice. She worries over her dirt, her plants and every bug within a mile of her backyard. She asks me questions that no good gardener can answer because there is no perfectionism in gardening. So, the thing I keep telling her over and over is, “Just slap it in the ground.” Funny but when you do that, things tend to grow.

Funny Names I Use

Whenever I am asked my name and I’m feeling particularly funny, I tell them my name is Sylvia Pennybutt. I just think that’s a hysterical name. It comes from a bit by that comedic genius, George Carlin when he was doing a radio show skit. The two main characters were Sylvia Pennybutt and Tondelayo Breckenridge on Wonderful WINO Radio. I bet those two were a real pair.

Bathroom Etiquette

Back during the Swinging Singles era, Very Best Friend and I were in our twenties, and boy were we swinging – out every night at TGI Friday’s meeting all the guys. Whenever I needed to go to the restroom, rather than announce that, I’d just say, “I’ve got to tighten my roller skates.” VBF even gave me a red roller skate key necklace to wear…

When You’ve Got Game

I love to walk into a meeting and announce, “The Pros from Dover are here!” If you’re not a fan of the movie, MASH, you won’t get it. If you are, you’d be expecting me to have on knickers.

Bosses Fall for This

I can’t take credit for this one, but it will work great on any boss that walks in and demands to know if you’ve finished what he/she has asked you to do. All you say is, “I’m just about done, all I lack is finishing up.” Really confuses them.

The Grand Send Off

This one is great for soon to be ex-boyfriends or anyone you need to shed out of your life. “Sylvia Pennybutt, you were good in your day, but it’s nighttime now.”

Sing Me A Tune

I hate Karaoke. I mean I really hate it. I was a professional disc jockey, and I was trained that you never get up to a mic and talk unless you know what you are doing. Of course, this was before Karaoke snuck over here from Japan. Karaoke and liquor are a deadly combination because armed with a mic, most people believe they can sing. If I am ever forced to do Karaoke, it’s happened by the way, I just sing “Tequila.” Just think about it.

That’s All Folks!

Speaking of radio, all disc jockeys have their signature sign off phrase – you know, like: “Tondelayo Breckenridge wishing you happy trails!” Frankly, I always thought mine was the best: “Remember, wherever you go, there you are.”

Wonder what funny expressions you have rolling around in your head? Go ahead and hit me. Mine might be getting a little stale. Oh, and “Happy Trails!”