When I became a teenager, a strange thing happened to me. A Princess Phone became attached to my ear. It was the day after my dad got a second line for the house because he was sick of calling home and getting a non-stop busy signal.

My generation grew up addicted to the telephone, the radio and the television. But why did Steve Jobs have to go and combine all those things into a tiny device that requires me to wear my readers? 

Here’s the situation at hand. When I left the Big City, I kissed the latest technology goodbye. In fact, for nearly a year, my cell phone only had reception when I stood in a particular spot, lifted my left leg and cocked my head to the right. It hurt my neck to flirt with a man on my cell. 

Then the Cellular Tower Gods looked down, felt pity for me and put up a tower. Once again I could talk so much on the phone that I required a Bluetooth. 

With a clear signal, the Teenage Eating Machine and I went through the Phone Dance together. He always wanted the latest and greatest and I just wanted something with large letters. 

Finally, after the Cellular Company Gods announced it had been 2 years and now I could get a new phone, I looked on their website and found one that was not only free, but I also received a $50 rebate. It was a bit fancier than what I wanted because it had a keyboard, but I thought, “What the heck! They’re paying you $50 just to take the phone off their hands.”

Amazingly, just about the time this two year contract is about to expire, so is my phone – almost. I have dropped it just the right amount of times to make the screen work sometimes and other times it’s just blank. If it had brail numbers and letters, I’d be fine. Of course, then I’d have to learn brail. 

So decision time is at hand again. It’s that blasted two year contract that always gets to me. These people demand a commitment and it requires my trying to decide which phone I’d like to be attached to for the foreseeable future. Heck, it’s hard for me to date a man for that long. 

Being housebound the last few years taking care of Dearly Demented Mom, the last thing on my mind was an iPhone. I had no need to stay in constant contact with the world because I could do that via my computer. Give this writer a real keyboard any day. 

Faced with a big cellular decision, I have decided it is time to join the iPhone addiction. If I don’t now, it will be way too complicated for me to figure out in 2 years when they’ve introduced six more versions including the one that’s embedded in your head. That way you’ll be able to scratch your nose and call your best friend all at the same time. 

Frankly, I’m not looking forward to this upgrade. When Very Best Friend got an iPhone she called me 14 times in a row before she could figure out how to talk and listen at the same time. 

I’m heading to the store today to buy an iPhone which will be obsolete long before I walk out of the store. Actually I’m going to hole up there until somebody teaches me how to make a call with my new contraption.

Wish me luck as I head into new technology armed with my readers.

Editor’s note: I am totally hooked on this easy-to-use mini computer and suggest if you don’t have one, you go ahead and take the plunge.  Just ask Santa and one may appear in your fireplace. Take it out before starting a fire, please. The insurance is expensive….

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker
www.mikiebaker.com