Sprayed On Fashion

01.29.21

Posted by Mikie Baker  |  No Comments »

One of the first things a mother teaches her daughter is fashion sense. She taught you how to match colors, wear clean, pressed clothes and why a shoe sale was just about the greatest thing on earth.

But fashion sense comes with a price you must pay. I got into a knock down with Dearly Demented Mom in a dressing room when I was is in seventh grade. I wanted a “gorgeous” plaid midi-jumper (stop laughing), but she absolutely refused to buy it for me because, drum roll, the seams didn’t match! As I aged into a young woman, fashion sense turned into the dreaded, “You’re not going out of the house looking like that. Those pants of yours look sprayed on!”

In the day, fashion sense meant always appear stunning without being too tight, too tacky or too alluring. At least I had good legs during the have-to-wear-a-dress era.

My father was also a fashionista as he sold men’s clothing for a living. He and the other sales reps would trade clothes samples; hence my dad was the best dressed guy on the golf course. They nicknamed him Joe the Pro, not just because of his golf prowess, but his fashion sense, too. Have you ever seen a golfer in a white and orange striped shirt, matching orange pants, orange V-neck sweater and orange and white golf shoes before? Well, I have, on more then one occasion.

I do appreciate good fashion. But now there’s a new trend that has me very confused as it goes against everything my mother and father taught me.

Men in tight pants.

What’s up with that? These new suits that men are sporting these days all look like they’re two sizes too small. It makes me think somebody’s not getting paid adequately because they can’t afford to buy enough material to make a decent suit.

No, I’m much more of a woman that likes to see those big burly ex-football players all gussied up in their fancy suits, matching shirts and ties with those lovely little accentuating pocket scarves. I go into man frenzy when FOX Sports comes on. That was until the other day when I saw one of those big burly guys in a suit that had those skinny legs. Not only did it make his feet look gigantic, I’m pretty sure it made his butt look big, too.

No wonder they stand up for the whole broadcast.

If a man can actually carry off those ridiculously tight pants, he’s either Sean Connery or he needs to gain weight. That’s the other thing I’ve noticed about these new fashion gurus of the skinny legs – they’re way too skinny for the likes of us curvy girls. Luckily, I’ve found myself a man who only wears blue jeans. Thankfully, you’ll never get a pair of skinny man jeans over a pair of cowboy boots.

Oh dear. I feel a shoe sale coming on.