Living in the county has its perks but grocery shopping isn’t one of them. Horror of Horrors, we live an hour away from our closest H-E-B. But since the beginning of the pandemic, the grocery store is the only place we ever go anymore. It’s our big adventure!

Luckily, a few months ago, H-E-B began pushing their new app. They promised that it’s simple to grocery shop online, drive up to the store, park and watch some magic shopping elf load your purchases into the tail end of your car. Simple, right?

I never bit, because I still wanted my bimonthly adventure of wandering around a brand new H-E-B where I couldn’t find a dang thing. Smart girl, right? None of my friends were interested in this new-fangled way to shop, either.

Then, one day one of my friends caved. Then another. Finally, my office mate confided, “It was so easy! I’m going to shop like this from now on.” Okay, I thought, I’ll bite.

I sat down with my handy H-E-B app. My Future Husband fired his up, too. But he didn’t know his password, so he gave up and I was “the chosen one” for the shopping list. FINALLY. Anyway, the app wasn’t too hard to figure out. All I had to do was make my grocery list on paper, then INDIVIDUALLY search every single item which my little heart desired. I started with wine.

That’s when I ran into my first problem. I prefer a particular boxed wine (yes, we are pandemic drinking and have no class) but I could not find my brand in the selections online offered. Dismayed, I ordered a wine that was close to what I wanted. Then I discovered “Notes” on the app where I could tell my personal shopper my every whim and desire.

“Frederick, I’d prefer the roasted pig this evening.”

So I was in! I explained my problem to Frederick and told him the exact type of boxed wine I preferred. I even suggested that if he could get his hands on it, I’d take two boxes and give him the keys to the castle, to boot.

Then I continued shopping, demanding specialness to all things I ordered. I was hooked.

The second part of pickup your groceries involves you getting in your car, driving to H-E-B and somehow finding Frederick in the crowd. Luckily, H-E-B has figured out how this can work, but they assumed I was coming and could follow instructions. Instead, they got My Future Husband who is technologically challenged.

I sent him off on his merry way and he called me 10 minutes before his appointed pickup time screaming, “Now what do I do? Where do I go?” I explained about those little reserved spots that say Curbside Only. I said, “You know, honey. Those open parking spots where you always try and park?”

He made me stay on the phone while he drove around the parking lot. I was starting to feel like I was shopping again.

Then, to his horror, they texted him. He wailed, “It says text GHQ128 to 88332. What the heck do I do now?” Over the phone, I explained text messaging. He hung up on me.

I sat on the couch with bated breath. Would I get my wine or not?

A few minutes later, he called and announced, “Mission Accomplished!” I told him to beat it home with the wine.

The next day H-E-B sent me a survey and asked, “How did we do?” All I could think was, “A lot better than us!”