Archive for May 16th, 2012

Going Steady


Posted by Mikie Baker  |  4 Comments »

My Aunt Barbara was married ten times. Evidently it’s legal in the state of Florida. Granted, in her later years, she did marry and divorce the same man twice, but I imagine it was because she was sick of dating.

I know how you feel, Aunt Barbara.

Though I haven’t been married ten times, I’ve been around the block more than once. After Dearly Departed Husband died at the incredibly young age of 46, this widow set out on a series of dating adventures with a variety of men.

In my younger years, Very Best Friend and I dated anyone we could get our hands on. It wasn’t very hard, considering it was the Swinging Singles era and all the Baby Boomers were in the same mode. VBF dated by category – wrestlers, fire fighters, weathermen. You get the idea. Personally, I dated redheads.

Older men may still have the same career, but most of them don’t have much hair. I guess categories were a smarter choice in the long run.

Living out in the middle of nowhere can make dating tricky. Luckily, the Internet stepped in which created a variety of sites where I can easily find my perfect man. At least that’s what their TV ads claim.

I’ve been on one site or another for several years. I’ve met some almost-keepers; some one date wonders and a few that may have been on the FBI’s 10 most wanted list. At least I was smarter than Aunt Barbara and never married any of them mainly because this state doesn’t believe in alimony.

I know what you’re thinking. “So what’s the problem? You’ve got Stroke of Genius there; he helps with the chores, takes out the trash and keeps the yard mowed. That’s all you need!”

No, I need to be Diane Keaton who finds her perfect man after the age of fifty-something and the story is so wonderful they turn it into a big budget romantic comedy so I can get royalties for the rest of my life.

You heard me. Fifty-something. Unfortunately, after forty-something everything falls and your dating attire involves Victoria’s Secret Ultra Lift and Spanx. It’s all about packaging and low lights.

I figure I have two choices. Find a much younger man or go for one in his late sixties. Since I don’t have a “Cougar” body anymore, I’ve opted to head the geriatric direction using a senior’s only site.

After slinking around the older generation’s web dating service, I realize there’s nothing more difficult than dating men who are in their mid-sixties. I get a pretty good on-line conversation going with a man and suddenly, he just stops emailing. I can’t tell if the old boy simply forgot he was on a dating site to begin with, or he went to meet his maker.

The least this dating site could do would be to offer me a Senior’s Discount. Maybe they should even throw in an Early Bird Special – happy hour dating from 3 to 4 pm. Dinner served immediately after.

It’s so bad out there in the dating world I’m considering working the bench outside the post office. Single males need to pick up their P.O. Box mail, after all.

I’m sure Aunt Barbara must have had dark moments like this in between men. But then she probably just brushed her hair, applied her makeup, put on her best peddle pushers and headed for the nearest shuffleboard tournament. 

Since we don’t play shuffleboard in the country, guess I’ll take up dominos and hang out at the VFW. There’s just no rest for the weary.

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one chuckle at a time.

Mikie Baker